Blog Post #116: Type C-Trauma Connection
On our most recent podcast episode, we talked again with trauma expert Dr. Christie Jackson (our first podcast episode with her can be found here). She has wonderful insights into the connection between childhood trauma and the development of Type C beliefs. Here are some highlights of the conversation:
If we experienced childhood trauma, the messages we received from caregivers can lead us to develop typical Type C beliefs like “my needs are not as important as other people’s needs”, “what right do I have to say no”, ”no one is going to care what I think”, and “I’m powerless, I’ll just do what other people tell me to do.”
Therapy can help validate these types of beliefs. Based on what happened to us as children, it’s logical that we would develop them.
Once we examine the roots of Type C, we can see that we are not terrible or damaged or weak. We can learn it’s not our fault what happened to us. We can learn we are people too - we can ask for help or make a request or make choices.
We have to learn how to say no skillfully, we are not born knowing how to do this.
People who have experienced trauma often struggle with finding purpose and meaning; self compassion is critical to develop. Step one - I’m a person too. As humans, we each have a right to create a life for ourselves.
To develop self compassion, it’s helpful to review the list of basic personal rights; these are the fundamental rights that each person has. Each person alive deserves happiness and compassion. We can also become mindful of negative messages we send ourselves. We can befriend the inner critic and be grateful for it, since it served some important purpose along the way. We can also ask ourselves, “what would I say to a dear friend?” We are likely to be far more supportive to that friend than we are to ourselves.
Avoiding pain is a natural human tendency - no one wants to feel it. PTSD is all about avoiding facing things that happened, and this avoidance perpetuates the disorder.
To recover, we have to tolerate distress slowly over time. Traumatized people believe that if they avoid certain things they can prevent other bad things from happening. Type C people believe that if they put other people’s needs first, they can keep themselves safe.
Most people, Type C or not, have illusions of control, the belief that “if I do certain things, I’ll have control over what happens.” We can experiment with doing different things and gather evidence. We can learn that we can do these other things and it will be OK.
We have grooves in our brains, deeply ingrained patterns and beliefs, and it’s hard, hard work to move out of these. Trying new things and getting out of your comfort zone is difficult.
We have to start with small steps, small changes. For example, we can say no to lunch with a colleague, request a book at the library, or choose to walk through a different subway turnstile when with a friend.
Sometimes we have to get to a rock bottom place to embrace change. Continuing down the same path is harmful - but change can be terrifying. Therapy can help us understand that the feeling of terror might be real but the facts in the present might not support the fear.
Going back home to difficult circumstances - perhaps having to face an abuser - is a common scenario for Type C. How to handle it depends on your goals. If you want to maintain a relationship, it’s important to set realistic expectations, ask for help, and set boundaries. We can also cope ahead - how can we make it less distressing for ourselves? Perhaps it’s scheduling activities instead of sitting around. Perhaps it’s getting out of the physical space - running errands, seeing friends. We can also make backup plans to support ourselves - deep breathing exercises, calling a trusted friend.
Dr. Jackson loves to recommend Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist imprisoned in a WWII concentration camp. The book’s message is even in the darkest circumstances, people still search for purpose and meaning. Trauma is not a life sentence. It can lead to beautiful personal growth.
Dr. Jackson can be found on www.evolutiontraumawellness.com and on Instagram, @evolutiontrauma.