Blog Post 80: Type C, Not Feeling Well, and Isolation
People with Type C traits often don’t feel well; they struggle with health issues like excessive fatigue, chronic pain, migraines, insomnia, and digestive disorders. And when we’re not feeling well, we may avoid making social plans or cancel them. We risk isolating ourselves. Isolation then creates more time for being too hard on ourselves, feeling “different”, and ruminating/worrying - which can all exacerbate feeling unwell. It can become a vicious circle.
Other aspects of Type C personality are at play here and contribute to emotionally and physically not feeling well. We may not make plans because we don’t feel well enough to make sure everyone is having a good time. We may not want to burden other people by talking about our health issues. Or, we may feel guilty because we can’t be the excessively supportive friend we are accustomed to being.
When we aren’t feeling well and are less socially connected, we may realize that we do most of the reaching out and most of the checking in on friends. Our relationships may be lopsided, out of balance - we do more for others than they do for us. We may become more aware of this, which makes us feel even more alone and furthers isolation. More vicious circles.
When I (Anna) was dealing with chronic fatigue - I barely had enough energy for my job and my family, so socializing took a backseat. I was lucky to have good friends at work so that helped. I was also lucky to have a social husband who kept me out and about - left to my own devices I would have stayed home in bed. I struggled with people being dismissive when I opened up about how sick I felt, saying things like “well you look great!” “I know, I’m tired too.” A good friend once told me I complained too much about my health. Interactions like these can leave us feeling dejected, dismissed, and hopeless; we may feel like it’s easier to just be alone.
Digestive disorders and pelvic floor issues can isolate us because we may worry we won’t be able to find a bathroom, or end up in an embarrassing situation. Getting out may feel like it has more downside than upside, so we avoid it. (On a side note: check out the Nerva app for digestive disorders, it’s based on hypnotherapy and is worth a try).
So what do we recommend as a counter strategy? Spending time taking care of yourself and resting is important, but we want to encourage people to stay connected to others. If your regular contacts are not supportive or need to be supplemented, there are resources that can help. Many people have had success finding “their people” with support groups. Facebook has many virtual groups for every kind of issue. Meetup.org also has lots of groups. These groups can help us feel less alone. Connections and relationships are often made even stronger and rewarding if we can find in-person support groups. A great place to start looking for one is with a functional medicine doctor or therapist. If you are already in treatment with this kind of professional, they may be able to guide you toward a group.
And finally, when you do spend time with others, consider letting go of many of those Type C rules – let others entertain, host, and guide the conversation. And if there are people in your life who aren’t supportive when you aren’t doing well, can you consider putting less effort into those relationships if possible?