Blog Post 100: Holiday Debrief
The holidays are difficult for many people for many reasons - most of us forget from year to year how challenging this time of year can be. We go into the holiday season with some level of excitement and then experience painful reminders of why holidays are not all wine and roses. We thought it would be helpful to discuss some common holiday difficulties and share a little guidance. Many people struggle with these issues so it can be comforting to know that we are not alone.
Family dysfunction - poor communication
Not being able to tell the truth, provide feedback
Must keep up appearances of a perfect family
Not allowed to express emotions - must be happy
Expected to take on a challenging peacekeeper role and soothe/fix the problematic dynamics
Loneliness
Not having enough people to share holidays with
Grief/loss of loved ones
Divorce
Feeling distanced from difficult family members
Facing abusers/enablers
Might not be able to avoid in large family gatherings
Might be swept under the rug and never addressed, have to pretend/fake it
Resurface of emotional pain from childhood
Triggers from deeply felt shame, fear, anger
Too much together time / too much noise
Introverts and sensitive people need time alone
Philosophical differences
Politics, religion, traditions
Parenting
Financial strain
Many people overextend themselves financially, overdo it with gifts, travel, events, decorations - causing extra stress
There may be pressure to keep up - from either family or friends
How to get through it
Set boundaries around length of time you will see people/be with people
Prioritize self care and carve out time alone if you need it
Don’t overdo it for others, ask for help
Don’t engage with more difficult family members - stay neutral and limit interactions
Remind yourself of a tough rule to swallow - sometimes in order to take care of yourself you might upset someone or even hurt someone emotionally
Make a note on your calendar to review these points in advance of next year’s holidays in order to mentally and physically prepare
Seek professional help for more challenging situations like facing abusers