Blog Post 53: Happier Parenting

For the Type C person who tries to make everyone happy, parenting can be extremely challenging. We want to encourage people with Type C traits to notice that the tendency to put the needs of others first in the short term can actually hurt our kids in the long run. As parents, we must be willing to see that sometimes even when we make our kids unhappy, we are actually good parents. 

Chores are a great opportunity for Type C parents to practice accepting the discomfort of making kids unhappy. It can be very easy in the moment to just do the work ourselves instead of fighting with our kids. But in the long run, this hurts their ability to learn to manage their time and take responsibility for making a contribution to the household. And more importantly, it hurts us - we end up exhausted with more of the workload, and we may feel angry and resentful underneath it all. Our kids may be unhappy -- but it is crucial that they learn to be equal partners in helping out the family and managing the house.

Happier parents work toward a more equal balance with their own needs versus their kids. Happier parents have their own lives, which is a very important message for their children: “My needs matter. And, by the way, when you have kids, your needs will matter too.”  

Guilt will most definitely arise when we feel we are disappointing our children, and we will have to sit with this guilt while noticing where it comes from. Patterns from our early childhood may have created these rules about not upsetting anyone, making sure other people are happy, and taking responsibility for their happiness. It’s important to reiterate in our minds that it's OK for our kids to be angry in the moment - that we are working on their longer-term independence. They need disappointments and setbacks to build resilience. And giving them these opportunities helps them later in life with their relationships - with roommates, employers, girlfriends, boyfriends, and eventually spouses.