Blog Post 54: Happier Parenting, Part Two

When we give in to our Type C trait of trying to make our children happy, we rob them of the opportunity to learn how to experience and sit with difficult emotions like anger, disappointment, sadness, and anxiety. Learning this skill (which we Type C’ers did not learn very well!) is so important for being able to handle life in general. We are all likely to experience job stress, financial difficulties, and heartbreak at some point. Teaching and modeling resilience - how to handle negative emotions - is such an important lesson for kids throughout their lives. 

Rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide in college are escalating, and a significant factor is helicopter parenting - parents consistently intervening to make their kids’ lives easier. Then, when kids are in college, they no longer have their parents to make everything better for them -  and they don’t know how to cope. 

How can parents practice backing off? A good place to start might be by managing a difficult emotion - like parental anxiety. For example, many kids are picky eaters, which can make parents distraught. A strategy here is to let a child practice by simply having a food they don’t like on their plate. Then, work up to taking a bite or two to see if they can handle that. 

Managing screen time is another example - if we constantly impose and monitor too closely, our children will be ill-prepared to manage it on their own when they leave the house. For older kids - if they are doing their homework, getting exercise, and being social - then we can try allowing them to manage their own screen time, knowing we might have to step back in if necessary. We can’t completely shield our kids from screens, but we can teach them skills like setting boundaries with what they are consuming and being intentional about using apps/screen time positively - for healthy social connection, learning, and growth.

An important point here is the more we bend over backwards as parents to protect our kids from struggling with difficult emotions, the more work it is for us! This is true for both today and in the future, if they don’t become stronger at managing the challenges of life by themselves.