Blog Post 88: Contemplating Death

This week, Jewish people around the world are celebrating Rosh Hashanah, the New Year - a holiday where we think about new beginnings. One of the Rosh Hashanah prayers contemplates death; the point is to be present with the fact that life has an end, and it is uncertain when this might happen.

In this wonderful New York Times piece, the author, a research scientist, discusses the psychological effects of spiritual practices and the benefits of thinking about death in the pursuit of a happier life. He points out that many people don’t actually know what makes them happy until later in life. He shares that happiness actually decreases from the age of 20 to 50 and then rises again until the end of life, a fact that many of us in our 40s and 50s can appreciate. As people approach 50, they contemplate their own death, which leads to decision making more in line with values and things that actually lead to happiness.

We love this concept, because many Type C people tend to have their heads in the sand - overly focused on others–making them happy, avoiding conflict. Too often, the result is poor self care that can lead to significant illness and mental distress. By contemplating the possibility of death, a Type C person can refocus priorities – life is too short to keep ignoring poor sleep, aches and pains, and the anger and resentment that grows when others get to have more fun and success. 

In acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) which I (Kore) practice, there is an exercise where you think about what do you want people to say about you at your funeral? This question can help us think about how we want to be remembered. Do we want to only be remembered for how saintly and selfless we were, doing everything for everyone else? (Unfortunately, this can be highly praised in certain cultures and religions). Or do we want to be remembered for more than that? If we have children, is extreme selflessness the legacy we want to leave? Or do we want to do something more creative with our lives? 

A key point to the article is how Rosh Hashanah combines both thinking of new beginnings along with learning from thoughts about death and mortality. For Type C people, this combination can be very helpful to create motivation for change. As hard as it is to sit with guilt when we start doing things for ourselves, it’s a great new beginning.