Blog Post 50: The “How” of Sitting with Guilt

We talk frequently about “sitting with guilt” as a way of managing our Type C traits - learning to tolerate the feeling of guilt instead of doing anything in our power to avoid it. How can we do this, though - what does sitting with guilt actually look like? Here are a few strategies that can help:

Notice the costs of your actions when you do something because of guilt or any other negative emotion. How much time or money have you spent trying to get rid of this feeling? How much rumination, obsessing, or reassurance seeking? Has it worked? How has it affected your body, your relationships, your mood, your outlook on life? 

Start small and sit quietly. Perhaps start with something that would cause a twinge of guilt but not a massive amount. For example, say no to a volunteer activity or ask for help on a chore or project. Sit quietly for a few minutes, be actively aware of the guilt, do not push it away, but instead allow yourself to feel a little discomfort. Realize this feeling of a little discomfort will not harm you. Notice how this feels in your body and try to soften around it. Reminding yourself of the cost when you try to fix or get rid of this feeling.

Meditate. As you sit quietly, breathe deeply from your abdomen, make your exhale slightly longer than your inhale. Working on being more present with the feeling; allow it to give you more information which will make it more manageable to experience going forward. 

Journal. On a blank page, write about the situation, discussing all of the nuanced feelings and emotional pain that it is causing. At the end, reread to get more of an objective view of this experience. Consider what you have control over and what you don't.

Exercise. Whether cardio or strength training, exercise is very helpful for countering strong emotions.

Our goals here are twofold: 1) trying to be more present with this feeling in your mind and body to build that muscle of getting stronger at feeling these feelings; and 2) noticing that you can do things while also having challenging emotions. 

These suggestions are so important in helping prevent painful feelings from settling into our bodies and minds. It’s especially important to process our anger and sadness, as they can turn into destructive states like resentment, contempt, and depression, which can cause serious harm to our physical well-being and to our relationships. And guilt, of course, can lead us to living a life that is inauthentic - when we are doing too much for others and not engaging with our own values and passions.