Blog Post 61: The Gender-Based Challenges to Success for Women
New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern’s recent resignation provides an excellent opportunity to reflect on how social pressures impact the way women balance careers and home life. Ardern cited burnout as her reason for stepping down - saying she “didn’t have enough in the tank” to handle the pressures of a highly demanding job while managing small children at home. Part of the issue here is the classic societal role that women are expected to take on - she had to be thoughtful, caring, and take care of so many other people in her life including her husband, children, and the people of her country in her role as prime minister.
Followers of our Type C initiative recognize this resignation is the opposite of a Type C move. Those of us who typically put the needs of everyone else first to the point of actually burning out, applaud Ardern for standing up for herself and taking this preventive step – as well as for raising awareness of the dangers of women trying to do too much. However, it’s problematic that we as a society have not figured out how to better harness the power of women as leaders.
The reality is it’s very difficult for women who want to be part of the child-rearing process to have high-powered jobs. We want to be able to “do it all,” but often this is physically and mentally impossible. There may be certain things we don’t want to let go of. For example, during my corporate career (Anna), I wanted to be there for bedtime, bathtime, homework, and emotional support; I also wanted to be actively involved in my children’s nutrition, which meant planning and preparing meals. But, I often also had to be plugged into work after hours, so my mind was typically in two places at once which is exhausting.
No one can carry this oversized load of responsibility and stress forever - something eventually will break down. If it is not performance at work, then it will likely be our relationships or our physical or mental health. For working mothers, the unchangeable reality is that maternal instincts are extraordinarily strong, and we are hard-wired to worry about our families more so than our domestic partners. We carry this outsized mental load everywhere. Some of us are lucky to have supportive and helpful partners – but many are not. And even "good" partners usually do not take on a full share.
How can we help women stay and not step down? It will take change on two levels - society and personal. On a societal level both men and women have to set stricter boundaries, delegate more, and practice self care - but we must be realistic. Can you really say No at work? Can you effectively compete for projects or promotions if you do? Can you ignore 10 pm emails if the rest of your team is always plugged in? Many women have no one to delegate to. While self care is critical, it is hard to find time! The responsibility cannot be put squarely on women. As a society, we must ask ourselves how much we value working women, and how can we better support them? Women represent more than half of the workforce today. Our economy simply cannot function without us. At the corporate level, we must have honest conversations about the issues that affect us and the changes we can and must make, together.
And at a personal level, it’s critical that we be honest with ourselves and our families about the support we need. We must ask for help and figure out household systems that engage everyone so that mom is not doing everything. We also must better manage the guilt that comes with being a working mom. Guilt makes us feel like we need to do everything - but we have to accept that this is physically impossible, and if we try to do it all, we seriously jeopardize our health which is not good for anyone - ourselves, families, employers, and greater society.