Blog Post 102: Taking Responsibility for Others’ Emotions
Because Type C people hate disappointing others, we have difficulty seeing them in any type of emotional distress. We blame ourselves for their anger, sadness, regret, shame, loneliness. Our minds start listing all the things we did wrong that led to this, and how it’s a reflection on us. We take responsibility for how they are feeling even though they are adults - and by definition are responsible for their own behavior, actions, and emotional state.
Often, the people in our lives are not interested in personal growth or emotional maturity. We may be on a different path than they are and this is difficult. We have trouble separating ourselves and understanding that adults are in charge of their own personal growth. We are not responsible for their happiness or contentment - and this extends to their financial situation. Everyone makes their own choices and has the opportunity to learn from them. With close relationships, dealing with emotionally immature people can be taxing - it can impact our own health or financial security.
How can we stop ourselves from taking so much responsibility?
Take perspective. Our Type C minds will immediately go to blaming ourselves or it’s our fault in some way. Once we become aware of this - can we add to this perspective by thinking of a few more options for why this person thinks or does this? Trying to expand the possibilities can help us realize that what the mind says might be true but there are other options to lessen the tight grip that this one negative self judgment has over us.
Sit with the worry. We may have done something wrong in some way - but consider this is only one option. We can consider that we’ve had thoughts like this before - and we can use past evidence to evaluate what are the costs if we act on it? What will it take us away from?
Accepting reality. We can work on accepting what we have - even if it’s not what we want - versus the fantasy of being able to change people or fix their problems. Has this worked in the past? Likely not. In the long run, accepting this reality is much less disappointing than continuing to hope that we can fix people, which leaves us disappointed and angry.