Blog Post 7: Strategies for Rigid Rules and Guilt

Guilt that arises from violating rigid rules can easily drive our actions, and over time we can start to feel down and hopeless because we don’t feel we are taking an active role in our lives. We feel like we are being forced to do things. We are acting so as to not feel the guilt, and we are not doing what is important to us - living healthily, spending time with family and friends, being kind to ourselves. We act passively, making choices based on our rules and the “should” statements in our minds. 

How do we live a life that is more open and hopeful - not passive and driven by guilt?  First, we have to become aware of the rules and understand that following them is not actually how we want to live. We do not want a life that is not in line with values, simply doing the things we feel we should do. The tool here is to notice the rules and should statements and understand the link to guilt. This is easier said than done, as many of our rules are very deeply ingrained! Then, we must ask ourselves the question: will this help me or hurt me if I listen to this rule and act on it?  If we choose not to listen, we then have to sit and feel the uncomfortable guilt, recognizing its role at the same time.

We may find that we need to be assertive and say no to someone in a thoughtful way. We will cover strategies here in future blog posts, as it takes some deliberate thought and practice to deliver this “no” message.