Blog Post 6: How Rigid Rules and Beliefs Harm Us

When we follow a set of rigid rules and beliefs, we often say YES to things we don’t want to do, or don’t actually have time in our day to do. Taking on too much can lead to less sleep, less time for ourselves, increased tension, and higher anxiety - leading to physical distress in our bodies.

Examples of some rules and beliefs include:

• I need to be a model employee or I will lose my job/disappoint my boss

• If I sacrifice myself for others, they will like me

• I can’t voice my anger or sadness, it upsets other people

• I don’t want to burden others so I will take this off his/her plate

• I’m paying closer attention to the details so I will take this on and do a better job

Guilt goes hand in hand with rules - and many people, especially women, struggle with guilt. When we violate a rule in our minds, we feel like we have done something wrong, and guilt arises. Further, there is worry that something bad may happen as a result of not following a rule, as we note in the examples above. 

It can be easier to simply follow our own rules. The combination of guilt plus the uncertainty of something bad happening can influence us to continue following the rules so we don’t feel guilty and we can lessen uncertainty. However, acting in line with rules and emotions like guilt and uncertainty can lead us to put our own needs aside. As we have discussed in previous posts, excessively ignoring our needs can lead to increased emotional and physical distress in the long run.