Blog Post 16: Saintliness and Misery

Continuing on this week’s theme of good girls, a friend of mine (Kore) told this story about her mother's 80th birthday party.  We'll call my friend's mom Sylvia. Sylvia was someone who gave her life to other people - doing good deeds, doing everything asked of her, going above and beyond to help other people, especially her friends and family. As you can imagine, Sylvia received high praise for this behavior. At her 80th birthday party, all her friends and family gathered to laud her selflessness. 

What is interesting and sad, however, is that in truth she was miserable! She did so little for herself. Her day-to-day was marked by deep unhappiness, loneliness and depression, and decades of chronic pain and fatigue. She often complained later in life that her friends had moved on.  

Our point in telling these stories is to understand the health costs of selflessness, whether mental, physical, or both. We have to cultivate awareness of our needs, thinking carefully and deliberately about how much sleep do we need? How much help do we need to manage the household or job? How much downtime do we need? What activities are fun for us? Our tool this week, being a little selfish, allows us to live healthily and more authentically - giving us time to recognize our needs as well as engage in our hobbies, interests, and passions.