Blog Post 41: Lying
There’s a fascinating TED Talk on lying that suggests we lie to ourselves once or twice a day and we are lied to 100 to 200 times a day! Why do we lie so much, and why do Type C people lie? It will come as no surprise to readers of this blog that Type C’ers frequently lie to avoid disappointing someone else.
One reader has written to us about this. They frequently lie because they worry being honest will hurt someone’s feelings. They worry about ruining another person’s day or creating a burden for them. They gave the following example: A close friend got divorced, and they worried this news would upset their own mom, and therefore avoided it. When the news slipped out in conversation a while later, it created tension in the relationship with their mom. Our reader is aware they have an issue with lying and feels it is mentally exhausting to keep their stories straight.
This person also shared that lying has complicated their romantic relationships. In one relationship, their partner was in a tough place, so they felt obligated to stay and help get the partner get back on track. They overstayed the relationship by a full year until the partner was in a healthy enough place to leave. While seemingly noble, this person sacrificed their own mental and emotional health by lying about being committed to the relationship.
How can Type C people overcome this tendency to lie? In theory, honesty is the way to go, but the fear of upsetting someone weighs heavier. The best tool here is to be present with the costs that lying has led to over the years. For our reader, this would be staying in relationships too long, spending a lot of time and energy thinking up and remembering all the lies they have told, and constantly trying not to make other people feel bad.
It’s important to notice how exhausting and time consuming this all can be. And consider, what if you did not have to lie and do all the mental gymnastics that come with it? What would you do with this newfound time and energy? Can you get excited about all that could be possible if you didn’t have to lie? And as always, we have to be willing to sit with the worry of upsetting someone and prepare for their reaction to an honest answer.