Blog Post 96: Common Type C “Overdoing It” Situations” - Helping Friends & Family
Continuing our series of common situations that Type C people have difficulty managing, and what to do about it - helping a friend or family member can draw out a lot of Type C traits. Let’s look at two such scenarios.
#1 - Type C Sharon has a dear friend Chad who lost his job. He’s in dire straits and is having a lot of difficulty finding any opportunities. Sharon’s urge to help overwhelms her and she steps in to save the day. She helps Chad polish up his resume, reaches out to anyone in her network that could help, and spends hours researching job listings. She worries excessively about what else she could do to help. She feels tremendous responsibility to solve the issue for him. The extra work is taking away time from her own career, family, and self care.
#2 - Type C Mary has a family member Beth in need of caregiving due to poor health. Mary steps in to save the day - she invites Beth to come and live with her and her family and spends most of her non-work time caring for Beth at the expense of her own career, family, and self care. Mary even injures herself trying to lift Beth in and out of bed repeatedly. She takes full responsibility for Beth’s health.
What can our Type C’ers do in these situations?
Be aware and sit with guilt. What are the mind-based rules driving these actions? For both of these, there’s likely a deep underlying belief that “I can’t let this person down” and/or “This person will be upset with me if I don’t help.” If we go against the rules, we feel difficult emotions - in these scenarios, guilt. Sitting with guilt means learning how to experience it in a safe way - naming it, recognizing how it manifests in our physical bodies, and reflecting on how it influences our decisions. Guilt is painful, there is no way around it. But, we can teach ourselves to increase the threshold of pain, understanding that it’s necessary in order to protect our health.
Offer less. In both situations, Sharon and Mary can still help without going overboard. Chad may simply need a good listener. If he is looking for job advice or help with research, Sharon could offer one thing, like an introduction to a friend or help with his resume. Mary’s caregiving situation is likely more complicated - but she could offer to work with Beth to organize care among different family members to spread out the burden. And she absolutely must protect her physical self and seek help with anything that could injure her.
Give others an opportunity to grow. Particularly in the first scenario, Sharon could consider that her stepping in to save the day is not helping Chad build additional job-hunting skills. Preparing a resume, networking, and researching are all very valuable life skills that everyone needs. In the second scenario, Beth may be feeling her own substantial guilt if Mary is sacrificing so much for her, and she may welcome a scenario where she has some say over what her care situation looks like.
If any of our readers find themselves in Type C situations like these - we would love to hear and write about them, anonymously of course. Write to us at typectoolbox@gmail.com.