Blog Post #123: Understanding and Supporting Type Cs in Relationships
We were fortunate to host couples and family therapist Lisa Lavelle on our podcast, and excited to share her insights in the summary of the episode below!
Type Cs frequently suppress their needs, telling themselves “it’s fine” or “it’s not a big deal.” Over time, this leads to a buildup of resentment—sometimes invisible until it suddenly isn’t. “They’re not rocking the boat,” Lisa noted, “but in fact, they are—by not sharing what they need.”
One of the paradoxes Lisa highlighted is that the very behavior meant to maintain harmony often creates disconnection. When someone consistently silences their needs, their partner doesn’t truly know them, emotional intimacy erodes, and resentment builds beneath the surface. Eventually, that suppressed emotion has to go somewhere—whether it shows up as withdrawal, burnout, or even explosive conflict.
Type Cs are often drawn to more dominant or assertive partners—people who are clear about their needs and comfortable expressing them. This dynamic can feel complementary at first. But over time, it can become imbalanced. The partner of a Type C person may unknowingly benefit from the dynamic—getting their needs met consistently without realizing what their partner is sacrificing. So when the Type C begins to change and assert themselves, it can feel threatening.
According to Lisa, one of the most important steps for Type C individuals is learning to find their voice. And that often starts by looking backward.
1. Exploring the Family of Origin. Where did this pattern begin? What role did they play growing up? What did they gain—and lose—by being “the easy one”? Understanding these roots helps people shift from self-judgment to self-awareness.
2. Getting Comfortable Being Uncomfortable. Change doesn’t feel natural—it feels risky. Speaking up may trigger fears of rejection, conflict, or abandonment. Lisa encourages small, deliberate steps: expressing a preference, naming a feeling, disagreeing gently. These moments build the muscle of self-expression.
3. Inviting the Partner Into the Process. In couples therapy, Lisa often does this work in the room, not separately. Why? Because it creates context and compassion. When a partner understands why their loved one struggles to speak up, it shifts the narrative from “You’re difficult” to “This makes sense—and I want to support you.”
For the more dominant partner, change can feel like losing something: less control, fewer guarantees, more negotiation. But Lisa reframes it as a gain: “You’re not losing ease—you’re gaining your partner’s full self.” That means real desires, honest feedback, authentic connection, and ultimately, a more intimate and resilient relationship.
If there’s one ingredient Lisa believes keeps relationships alive, it’s curiosity. When partners shift from assumption to curiosity— from “I know who you are” to “Help me understand you”— everything changes.
People can change, but it takes intention, support, and time. Lisa sees transformation happen when individuals take responsibility for their patterns, partners are willing to adapt, and both people embrace vulnerability. Sometimes, change also reveals hard truths—like whether a relationship can grow or not. “You can influence your partner,” Lisa says, “but you cannot make them change.”
Lisa also shared some of her favorite relationship resources:
Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
TED talks by Esther Perel
Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship by Terrence Real
Lisa left us with a powerful reminder: relationships aren’t about avoiding rupture—they’re about learning how to repair. For Type C individuals, that means stepping into discomfort and learning to speak. For their partners, it means making space for that voice to emerge.