Blog Post #125: Elizabeth Clemants on Child Sexual Harm
In a recent podcast episode, we welcomed conflict mediation expert Elizabeth Clemants to discuss the work of Hidden Water, the nonprofit organization she founded. Hidden Water uses a restorative justice model to help individuals and families navigate the lasting impact of child sexual abuse and the complex family dynamics that often follow. Elizabeth is also the author of Healing Together: A Family Guide to Recovering from Sexual Harm. Listeners may remember her from Episode #44, where she explored why conflict is essential for healthy relationships and how to approach it constructively.
One of the central themes of our conversation was that childhood sexual abuse rarely affects only the individual survivor. Instead, its effects ripple throughout the entire family system. As Elizabeth explains, family members often perpetuate unhealthy patterns—not out of malice, but because they have never had the opportunity to process the trauma themselves or do not know how to respond with compassion. Without intentional healing, these unresolved wounds can continue to shape family relationships for generations.
At the heart of Hidden Water's approach are 12-week virtual healing circles that provide safe, structured spaces for individuals affected by abuse to share their experiences and begin processing their trauma. These circles are designed to support each participant's personal healing while also recognizing the broader family systems in which that trauma exists. Participants are grouped according to their relationship to the abuse—including survivors under age 25, non-offending parents, those who caused harm, and other family members or loved ones. Beginning this work in separate groups allows participants to process their experiences with peers before, when appropriate, participating in family or community circles that encourage deeper understanding and repair.
Elizabeth shared that many individuals who caused harm, as well as those who enabled or overlooked abuse, are motivated to engage in this process when they have the support needed to examine their own experiences and take responsibility for their actions. Although the work is challenging, many participants seek genuine accountability and hope to rebuild damaged relationships. Their willingness to engage demonstrates that healing remains possible, even in the most complicated family circumstances.
Our conversation also explored the concept of forgiveness. Elizabeth offered a perspective that challenges many common assumptions, explaining that within the context of child sexual abuse, the word forgiveness can become harmful when it is used to pressure survivors into reconciliation or to help those who caused harm avoid accountability. Rather than positioning forgiveness as the ultimate goal, she encourages survivors to pursue lives of safety, health, and wholeness—whether that includes reconciliation, legal action, firm boundaries, or a combination of these paths. In her view, forgiveness is deeply personal. It cannot be demanded or rushed; if it comes, it emerges naturally over time.
One insight that particularly resonated with our ongoing exploration of the Type C personality is Elizabeth's observation that an intense drive to please others can sometimes be rooted in childhood sexual abuse. Survivors may learn early to prioritize the needs and emotions of others while neglecting their own, a pattern that can persist well into adulthood.
Hidden Water offers its virtual healing circles at no cost, making restorative support accessible to survivors, family members, and others affected by sexual harm. To learn more about the organization or participate in one of its programs, visit www.hiddenwatercircles.org. Elizabeth's book, Healing Together: A Family Guide to Recovering from Sexual Harm, is also available through her website and Amazon, offering practical guidance for families seeking to heal from complex trauma.
To listen to the podcast, click here.