Blog Post 28: Dealing with Mistakes
Because we Type C’ers dislike disappointing other people, we find making mistakes extra painful. I (Anna) tend to over-analyze mistakes, ruminate over them, and beat myself up. For me, mistakes at work are the toughest because the stakes are high, might I somehow jeopardize the business or the job itself?
Here’s an example from my corporate experience - the mistake itself and how I (badly) handled it. Earlier in my career, I helped to prepare investment reports that went out to tens of thousands of people. While several people reviewed these reports, their accuracy was ultimately my responsibility. There were certainly minor mistakes and typos in them from time to time, and this came with the territory. One particular time, however, I rushed to get a report out under pressure from the team, and some financial projections were not only completely wrong, but at odds with our investment thesis. While we could easily send an electronic update, this report was already printed in hard copy format and sent to upwards of 80,000 people. I was horrified, as was the boss, who gave me an immediate and public dressing down. I lost many hours of sleep in the ensuing days as my reputation (and the team's) took a hit. How could I have handled this differently?
(Kore chiming in here): Unfortunately, it is so easy to look back and judge ourselves. We have more information now, and we can see where we went wrong. However, at that time, you didn’t have this perspective and in the moment, you made the choice you thought was right. In this particular circumstance (and many others), it is unclear that you could have foreseen the problems that came up for you later.
The tool here is having compassion for yourself. We all make mistakes. When your mind goes back to that place every time you think of it, notice the judgment and what it does to your mood (anger, sadness) and body (shoulders, stomach) and motivation? What perspective could you add to this memory moving forward that would help get unstuck from this pain and move you in a healthier direction?
A great exercise to do is what would you say to a friend. We are much more judgmental of ourselves than of others. When the judgments show up, validate the disappointment in a kinder way. You could say to yourself "thanks, mind, for reminding me of that horrible mistake (sarcastically). That was really upsetting. We all make mistakes, and I need to be kinder to myself about this and try to let go of beating myself up." Then get your mind engaged in something more constructive and positive. There is nothing wrong with healthy distraction to get away from rumination.
Finally, what can you learn from this in order to help yourself act more effectively moving forward? Definitely be aware of your Type C tendencies – did your avoidance of upsetting others push you to do something at a speed that cost you in the long run? The skill here is to slow down when you have to do something important for yourself or others. Be aware of your needs; ask yourself if altering your work habits or priorities could hurt you in any way. Keep in mind the inclination to be self judgmental and how this tendency can keep you stuck.