Blog Post 19: Dealing with Disappointed Colleagues
Let’s say you’ve reset expectations with your boss through a difficult conversation or two and pulled back your workload a bit. What happens now? Colleagues may be confused or disappointed - you’re the one who has always stepped up and been instrumental in getting things done!
It's worth getting prepared for some scenarios that will be uncomfortable. For example, a colleague might say "We need to talk. I don't feel like you are pulling your weight on the team like you used to. Is there something wrong?" Some of the skills we have previously talked about can help, like using "I" statements to set boundaries and stay focused on your needs (a new skill versus reverting to the suppressing, people-pleasing Type C habits). You might say something like "I have been having some health issues. In order to manage them, I'm being more honest with myself about what I can and can't take on. I feel this is helping my productivity overall." In the end, if work or people in our personal lives can't understand and accept this, then we need to consider these choices in our lives.
For Type C people, disappointing others is very, very difficult. Guilt will arise - but it’s beneficial to expect it and be aware of it. Some ways to work through it include:
Talk yourself through the benefits of pulling back to your health: more time to take care of yourself, more time to focus on family relationships, more honesty in your work relationships.
Remember that turning something down gives someone else the opportunity to build their skills and knowledge and advance their career.
Remind yourself of the long-term costs of not taking care of yourself - that you deserve a long, healthy, happy life. You are playing the long game instead of the short game!
Journaling is a great outlet for processing and letting go of difficult emotions - write it all out in a Google doc and then erase it if necessary.
So many women struggle with guilt - society gives us the message that we can do it all, and we feel guilty when we can’t. There are some people who DO seem able to pull it off - but these people are rare! (And they may have a wealth of resources behind them that the rest of us don’t).